At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
