How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
