Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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