we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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