Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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