I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize