I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize