I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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