Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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