I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
