If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
