i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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