I skipped work to stalk him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How naked do you want me to be?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize