I will die if light touches me.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
