mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
