He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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