I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
