Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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