Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
