I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
