He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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