I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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