And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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