U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
