i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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