Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
