highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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