Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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