Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
