No stitches, just platelets and will power
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
