I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
