dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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