All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
