It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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