So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
