Your dad touched me again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
