ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
