Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
