is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i drank out of a bidet.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
