two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize