its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
