so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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