i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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