i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
