hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
