i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
send nudes
from the living room?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
