he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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