whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
