Need sex. Gaining weight.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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