john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
