On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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