Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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