is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You dont lie about slip and slides
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
