Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
