i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
please come you make the beer taste better
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize