just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
