So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
