I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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