Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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