oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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