Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You're like the curious george of whores
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
