Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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