I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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