Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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