I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
