I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
