Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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