Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
