You're so nebulous sometimes
kristin has been a bad kristin
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
When are your genitals available?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
