im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
