Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
