he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
