omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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