My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
