i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize