dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
