Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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