I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
