if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize