Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
