When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
try to milk me bitch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
