anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
