I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
