It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
