I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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