it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
