I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
