it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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