the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
