But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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