There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
