Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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