I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
