I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
