I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
