remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
