I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
