They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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