wakey wakey hands off snakey
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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