having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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