So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
