Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
