im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
