Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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