And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
