mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
